‘Dear Santa, please can you make me prettier than my best friend?’ The funny, moving and downright cheeky letters sent to Father Christmas
The Norwegian postal service receives more than 30,000 letters and postcards addressed to Santa Claus every year. Some letters are comical, some sad, some hopeful and some greedy – or just curious about the life of the jolly man and his sleigh. Here’s the pick of the funniest, moving and downright cheeky…
ALL I WANT…
I want sausages for dinner every day, all year round.
I want ducks with no teeth.
PS: I’ll take geese if it’s a hard task – but remember, no teeth!
Ho, ho, ho: No wonder Santa is so jolly, he receives so many amusing letters from children
I want to buy a spider in a pet shop, so tell me that you’ll come there and pay for it. The shop closes early on Christmas Eve. Is that all right?
I wish not to have holes in my teeth for the rest of my life so I can eat as many sweets as I want all Christmas.
Christmas hugs from Violet
I wish to remain 12 years old for the rest of my life if possible.
I only wish for one thing and that’s for IKEA to open and give me a job when I’m grown up.
I want a dog. But I don’t know which. I hope it’s obedient, but not too big. Could you please tell me what the perfect dog is?
Could you make me a lot prettier than my friend Sabrina? That’s my biggest and only wish!
Do you have baby pigs in store? If I can have a baby pig from you, that’s what I wish for — but you have to sort it out with Mum.
Do you think Mrs Santa can come instead of you? I’m so scared of you. Sorry.
Mum says you won’t come if I swear. Are you allergic to swearing?
When you’re finished, could I perhaps become the new Santa?
Your friend, Callum
Could you call me when you’re close by so I can come and say hello to your reindeer? What’s your phone number?
Could you tell me what you did in the last World War? You didn’t fly around the world! Were there any presents then?
Santa Claus, how often do you change your clothes?
How often do you take a bath?
Did you come from the basement last year? Could you say a password when you come this time? You can say ‘chocolate cake’ – then I will know you’re the real Santa, because I don’t want Dad to be Santa.
Do you say ‘Ho! Ho! Ho! because you don’t speak other languages?
Greetings from Pauline
When you give us money, do you print it yourself? Isn’t it fake money which is against the law?
My dad and grandad are bald. If that’s inheritable, will I become bald? Are you bald?
Christmas spirit: One little girl asked for twice as many presents this year as last (posed by model)
HE KNOWS IF YOU’VE BEEN GOOD OR BAD
I know I haven’t been nice this year, but I promise to be next year. So would it be all right to give me something in advance?
If Mum and Dad have sent you a letter saying that I haven’t been nice this year, it’s true. But remember that I really pulled myself together two weeks ago.
Best regards, Richard
I’ve been good all year and I’m planning to be good next year as well. So could you throw a yo-yo in an envelope and send it to me?
Do you keep a file of all the children in the world? If so, do you store it on a computer? What program do you use?
I’m writing to you on behalf of my little sister who’s afraid to do it because she hasn’t been that nice this year. But she hopes that you’ll give her one or more presents anyway, because she promises to be nicer next year.
How would you define good and not good? Is it allowed to tease once in a while? I do have four brothers and sisters.
Best regards, Amy
Will you bring me the presents I wish for this year? Last year you disappointed me. If you disappoint me this year as well, I’ll lock the door so you can’t let any more Christmases in.
Why did you give Richard a PlayStation 2 and not me? Do you think that’s fair?
Thank you very much for the presents last year. This year I would like to have twice as many.
Why didn’t I get a hairdryer from you for Christmas? I wanted one last year, but I didn’t receive one. Now both my sisters have hairdryers. How long will I have to borrow theirs? Could you tell me?
LUMP IN THE THROAT
I wish to have my dad back who died last summer.
I want to see you on Christmas Day. I also want my friends to believe in you. In school we talked about you, and when I told my friends I believe in you, they started laughing. I was so sad that I went home and went to bed.
I wish Dad would be nicer.
What I want is to have my teddy bear back. I lost him.
- Extracted from Dear Santa by Birger Sivertsen, published by John Blake at £9.99. Copyright (c) 2010, Birger Sivertsen.