I think it’s easy to make things more complicated than they need to be. Here are some basic rules of the relationship road that will keep you headed in the right direction
1. Successful relationships take work. They don’t happen in a vacuum. They occur when the couples in them take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their hearts and heads.
2. You can only change yourself, not your partner. If you love someone and think that after a while he or she will alter behaviors you find uncomfortable, think again. If you want changes, put them on the table. so your partner knows what you need.
3. All arguments stem from our own fear or pain. When upset occurs, check out what’s going on inside of you rather than get angry with your partner. Truth is that we usually aren’t upset for the reasons we think we are.
4. Understand that men and women are very different. We’re not from Mars or Venus; we’re not even in the same solar system. Understanding and celebrating our differences will make living together more peaceful, interesting, and fun.
5. Honor each other in some way every day. Every morning you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by recommitting to your mate. Feeling respected and cherished by the one you love makes life much nicer.
6. Anger is a waste of time. Anger is also a relationship killer, because it makes you self-absorbed and won’t allow you to see the good. If you are annoyed with your mate, give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss what’s going on for you.
7. Get regular tune-ups. Go to a couples workshop, talk with a counselor, or read a relationship book together at least once a year. Even if you don’t think you need it, you will pick up a couple of ideas, and the process alone will strengthen your connection.
8. Find a way to become and stay best friends. For some this sounds unromantic, but for those who live it, most say it’s the best part of their time together.
9. Be responsible for your own happiness. No other person can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. If you feel it’s your partner’s fault, think again, and look within to find out what piece may be missing for you.
10. Give what you want to get. Our needs change with time. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. If you want to feel more love, try giving more. It’s a simple program that really works.
There are no guarantees, but couples who practice these techniques have longer and stronger relationships than those who are not proactive in their love.
by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. in Emotional Fitness
Everyone can get into a rut but it doesn’t have to happen. I know people just at the start of a new relationship and couples who have been dating 7+ years and no matter how happy or in love you are, sometimes you want to come home throw on sweatpants, eat in bed and watch bad reality TV. I think this is normal but to let it happen nightly could turn a hot steamyrelationship ice cold.
1. Have a Plan
Whether its a date night each week or a special night cooking new food together, make a plan with your significant other and keep it. Don’t let a long day at the office squash date night. This is a night to get dressed up, get out of the house (DVR The Bachelor if you can’t miss a rose ceremony) and enjoy each others company. Go to a new place each week and look forward to it all day!
In person! The internet, iphones, texting and social networks have caused us to have some of most important conversations online. I don’t mean the “we need to talk” talks, I mean updates on our day, things you are thinking about and plans you want to make. If you find the urge to IM or text remember that there is no better way to talk to someone than face to face. Entire breakups have happened via the world wide web, don’t let the best part of being with someone happen that way too.
3. Keep it hot
This isn’t necessarily only a sexual reference, but a little push to keep things spicy in all aspects of your relationship. Guys, let us come over for a movie night to find you clean shaved, smelling great and greeted with a big kiss and I don’t mean your normal kiss hello, I’m talking tongue. That will set the temperature for the rest of the date. Ladies, step up your sleep wear. You don’t have to rush to Victoria’s Secret and button, snap and strap something uncomfortable on every night but if you are sleeping over at your beau’s house bring a tight tank (sans bra) and some little white boy shorts. If your chilly, I’m sure you can think of something to warm you up!